YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
