Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
