My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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