We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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