Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
