Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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