but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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