I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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