fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
