Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize