I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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