Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
