Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
