I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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