'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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