we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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