I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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