I am spending my child support on dildos
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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