Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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