my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
tell me about the eggs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
