He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
