I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
