sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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