You just made me feel so damn special
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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