just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
