Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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