my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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