I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
