So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
