looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
