Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
