i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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