think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
