ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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