so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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