You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
