I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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