My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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