It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize