After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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