at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
