I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
