obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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