drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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