I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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