i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
