I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
