they need to just BURY HIM!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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