I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize