Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
