I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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