You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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