I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
