I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
