just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
