Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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