hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I want is dick and wine.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
