No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize