Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
