hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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