I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
