You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
