I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
