Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
