we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
