Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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