If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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