Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
