I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
