8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
