did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
