does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
