She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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